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  #101  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:13
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Does anyone else have personal experience with getting involved in violent family affairs of others?
...no, but I called the police once and I lived to tell the story.
I did ask the police whether I could join the witness protection program but they were somewhat hesitant...they reassured me however, that all data received will be completely confidential and not accessible by 3rd parties.
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  #102  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:14
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

Things seem to be getting mixed here. Violence in my opinion is 100% wrong whether it takes place in the house or outside.

That said there is some difference between domestic violence vs a stranger getting attacked. When a woman gets attacked by a stranger then the woman has no say in the situation.

In the case of domestic violence the woman has some mechanisms that she can activate to get out of the situation. I know it's not easy but there is that choice which in the case of a stranger getting attacked does not exist.

As far as making things personal if my family member was getting attacked I would appreciate if someone helped and I would be very grateful to them but I most definitely wouldn't by default expect that people should help. I know people are afraid and have their fears.
  #103  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:18
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

Is he talking about spanking

i do spank my GF ... she loves it though ...

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With regards to wife beating and honour, a cultural perspective:

  #104  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:19
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

My 2 cents: I may have called the cops in the OP's situation. I might not have. Its a personal decision at the time and I'd probably take a lot of things into consideration.

But one things for sure, I wouldn't victimise someone who makes a personal decision about said situation, calling them a coward and such. Thats ridiculous
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  #105  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:20
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" --Edmund Burke
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  #106  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:21
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

OK, if it makes you happy:

If I'd been there, I would have called the police, given them my name and address and offered to stand as a witness in a public court of law. I wouldn't have even thought of the consequences of my actions in my eagerness to fulfil my civic duty.

After the trial was over, I would go home, to be greeted by the smiling wife and child of the assailant, who would lay laurel wreaths upon my head, before cooking me a lavish dinner with truffles and caviar.

A week or two later, the husband would return from prison, suitably chastened, and rush over to shake my hand, making a solemn vow never to be such a scoundrel again, and promising to follow my shining example of masculinity.

And I think the OP is a snivelling, crawling coward, who deserves to be tarred and feathered for failing to stand up and be a man.

Will that do?
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  #107  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:23
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Does anyone else have personal experience with getting involved in violent family affairs of others?
My housemate back in uni had her boyfriend visit one weekend. I guess they had too much to drink and their argument escalated into a full on fight which spilled into the lounge where the rest of us were watching telly. Some of us tried to break it up and in the scuffle, I ended up with a visit to the emergency room whimpering like a girl because I needed 6 stitches. I hate needles.
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  #108  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:24
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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OK, if it makes you happy:

If I'd been there, I would have called the police, given them my name and address and offered to stand as a witness in a public court of law. I wouldn't have even thought of the consequences of my actions in my eagerness to fulfil my civic duty.

After the trial was over, I would go home, to be greeted by the smiling wife and child of the assailant, who would lay laurel wreaths upon my head, before cooking me a lavish dinner with truffles and caviar.

A week or two later, the husband would return from prison, suitably chastened, and rush over to shake my hand, making a solemn vow never to be such a scoundrel again, and promising to follow my shining example of masculinity.

And I think the OP is a snivelling, crawling coward, who deserves to be tarred and feathered for failing to stand up and be a man.

Will that do?
..you don't have to get all fussied up like that because the majority here wouldn't be such ignorants to just walk passed by a helpless person getting abused.
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  #109  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:25
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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That said there is some difference between domestic violence vs a stranger getting attacked. When a woman gets attacked by a stranger then the woman has no say in the situation.

In the case of domestic violence the woman has some mechanisms that she can activate to get out of the situation. I know it's not easy but there is that choice which in the case of a stranger getting attacked does not exist.
You what?

Does she threaten to divorce him? Threaten him with no nookie for a week? What are you suggesting these 'mechanisms' available to her are, and how exactly do they help?

If anything, a woman experiencing domestic violence has fewer resources for ending the immediate incident (e.g. cannot just open her phone and call hubby, cannot run into the house and lock the door.) She also may genuinely love the guy and thus want to stop him without seriously injuring him, which also restricts her options.
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  #110  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:25
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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Absolutely - that's one of the risks. And other times, it can save a person's life. I consider the phone call to the police (mentioned ad nauseum elsewhere, apparently) to be the bare minimum. But I would also consider it my civic duty to step in if she was getting slapped up.

Mind you, the decision would be a hell of a lot easier to make if I was there alone or with some buddies than if my girlfriend was walking alongside me (and was a potential target). I recognize that - life isn't full of easy to make choices. But I still think it would be the right thing to do, regardless of whether I did it or not.
See I think intervening in a situation can be the right thing to do, but that it's usually the wrong thing to do. It depends on the individual situation of course, but it often escalates the situation or you get the repercussions later.

But instead of talking in theory let's take the situation of the OP:

Let's say he decided to intervene. He could have:

1. Given the guy a good hiding and sent him packing.
2. Rescued the girl and child and driven them round the corner.
3. Had a stern talk with the guy and physically separated him from the encounter.

In no way would any of these options turned him from an abusive person to a nice guy. That woman will get beaten again whatever happens. The woman almost certainly doesn't want anyone to intervene because it'll end up worse for her. Again, the guy can easily turn on you and kill you now, or later.

The only reason to intervene in this specific situation is to make you feel better. Remember, when you intervene you are merging your life with the lives of some of the worst of humanity and you must be prepared to take everything that that comes with.
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  #111  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:25
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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...no, but I called the police once and I lived to tell the story.
That's probably how it would go in most cases, at least that would be my guess.

But someone asked 'what if it was your daughter getting beaten?': well, according to the one person (it seems) with direct experience in this, the Good Samaritan could be putting his daughter in similar danger by intervening.

When I was a tiny kid, like 4, I remember getting on my uncle's motorcycle between him and the handlebars and hauling ass around the neighborhood. Great fun, my folks were laughing, all terrific. But I know now, as a father of a small child and friend of some who are maimed from motorcycles that I would never ever let my 4 year old on a motorcycle. Anyone follow that? Risk assessment? I don't know, though, what exactly I would do in the OP's situation. Though I have a lot to think about now.
  #112  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:25
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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"All that is necessary for evil to not triumph is for good men to sacrifice their lives" --WhySoSerious?
Fixed


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  #113  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:25
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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I think the police should have been called if not for the woman's sake but for the child's sake. That poor kid is most likely living in this nightmare and perhaps getting beat up by this guy. If he'd treat his wife this way, can you imagine what he could do to that little boy? Unfortunately there are too many stupid women stay with a guy like this not caring what it does to a child. Most kids growing up in a situation like this will become abusers themselves.
Agree totally regarding the effect on children.

I have a neighbour who exacts violence towards his partner and it is heart wrenching hearing the children screaming and crying for him to stop hitting their Mom. Why she stays is anyone's guess but it's her choice . . . I understand from other neighbours that the two little ones regularly attend a center for disturbed children.

So far this couple have always made up pretty quickly after the violent incidences - not that I would intervene physically if they didn't - but I would call the police for fear it might escalate to the children.
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  #114  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:25
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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the majority here wouldn't be such ignorants to just walk passed by a helpless person getting abused.
I believe they would, actually.
  #115  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:27
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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OK, if it makes you happy:

If I'd been there, I would have called the police, given them my name and address and offered to stand as a witness in a public court of law. I wouldn't have even thought of the consequences of my actions in my eagerness to fulfil my civic duty.

After the trial was over, I would go home, to be greeted by the smiling wife and child of the assailant, who would lay laurel wreaths upon my head, before cooking me a lavish dinner with truffles and caviar.

A week or two later, the husband would return from prison, suitably chastened, and rush over to shake my hand, making a solemn vow never to be such a scoundrel again, and promising to follow my shining example of masculinity.

And I think the OP is a snivelling, crawling coward, who deserves to be tarred and feathered for failing to stand up and be a man.

Will that do?
No, it won't. Because I have great respect for you DB, and I trully value your opinion. But right now, you are playing something that is trully disappointing...
  #116  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:28
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

I think the tar and feathers would be a bit much....
  #117  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:28
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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I believe they would, actually.
..I doubt it.
  #118  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:32
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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..I doubt it.
LiB, I applaud your intentions. But I must ask, if you're still intending to go on your trip to London for the Chipotle meal, don't interfere personally in a street domestic. I'd put your chances of surviving at all, at a coin flip.
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  #119  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:35
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

Ok then, let's create the EF special squad for timely intervention and witness protection. Then I would feel more adamant to react in such situations without delay, hesitation and always demonstrate acts of heroism knowing that reliable group is behind my back.
I can see people signing up in droves
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  #120  
Old 08.02.2011, 14:36
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Re: Woman getting manhandled by her husband?

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You what?

Does she threaten to divorce him? Threaten him with no nookie for a week? What are you suggesting these 'mechanisms' available to her are, and how exactly do they help?
Report him to relevant authority who have experience of dealing with such domestic abuse issues. Yes divorce him! Why would you want to stay with someone who beats you up regularly?

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She also may genuinely love the guy and thus want to stop him without seriously injuring him, which also restricts her options.
He obviously does not love her if he beats her up. How is he going to stop if he keeps hitting her regularly? Again continuing to stay with him is a choice she is making which does not exist for a woman who gets attacked by a stranger.
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