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Old 13.07.2011, 22:57
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The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

To all the ladies and gents who may feel inclined to freshen up, here's a little story...

After spending the entire day job-hunting I felt quite down. The rain was happily pouring down, its hypnotic rhythm resembled that of impatient fingers tapping on my brain; tap, tap, tap, must, secure, a, job, soon,...tap, tap, trickle, tap...
So, in an effort not to slip into a downward spiral of negativity I decided to do a facial using a fresh egg and a lemon. Trips to a beauty salon have sadly been banned in light of my current situation. "It's such a frivolous way to spend money", the narcissist in me says, feeling only half re-assured.
Most of the jobs for which I have applied are in the Catering & Hospitality/ Event Management industry, therefore immaculate presentation is a pre-requisite. I doubt I'd be doing myself any favours were I to turn up for a job interview looking like a disillusioned tramp, now would I?

"The egg?" I hear you say. Well, after separating the yolk from the white, spread the white onto a recently washed face and neck. Leave this mask to dry and while it does so, summon up the strength to gulp down the yolk.
Yes, fresh, raw egg yolk has marvellous health benefits when jobless - it forces one to evaluate the phrase, "Have some Dutch courage!", and whether, like ours, your bathroom really ought to have three wash basins since a 'his & hers' style leaves room for indecision: "Do I regurgitate in his wash basin, or mine? Best to swallow". And, besides, I'm not quite sure what the dumping policy is for yolks in our commune. Mmh? - Beat the fine and swallow.
If I hadn't successfully ingested that bulbous piece of yellow slime, then his wash basin would have been the target. He's at work and when not he complains about the incompetency of many of his colleagues. "Oh, to have a job and to talk fondly of my wonderful fellow staff!" (SIGH)
Once the mask is dry wash off with warm water, then pat lemon juice all over your face - paying close attention to your eyes. If you aren't already aware, LEMON JUICE STINGS. Allow it to get into your eyes and believe me, I'm known for being an adrenalin-busting junkie but, this is another level of absurdity. You'll be groping like a mad wo/man for the tap even though it's always been there, right - in - front - of - you.
When the lemon juice has dried and the palpitations have ceased, rinse your face with ice cold water. The final result should be an amazingly toned face, soft to the touch and all those pesky blackheads zapped into oblivion.

Now, where was I? Oh yes! Likely questions that the HR department might ask me, "So, Phoenix2, tell me about your strengths".
- Well,...(I know I can survive a splurge of lemon juice directed at my eyes and swallowing egg yolks helps remind me that I have a football pitch's worth of intestines located in my belly)....I believe....


P.S. I cannot be held accountable for any allergic reactions caused by the two natural ingredients referred to in this story.
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Old 14.07.2011, 00:19
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

Yes, lads, that didn't help explain them any better, did it? Move along.
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Old 14.07.2011, 00:55
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

Why do I think that male readers will have a slightly different perception of this post?
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Old 14.07.2011, 01:03
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

Alternative beauty treatment with the same ingredients:

1. use the egg and lemon to make yourself a nice bowl of avgolemono soup which is cheap, filling and extraordinarily tasty. (Shhh, don't tell the Greeks but I always add a dried chili pepper to mine for a bit of a kick.)

2. Then use the money you've saved with such a frugal meal to buy yourself a facial mask at Migros - one that doesn't smell of egg, get egg in your hair or require you to gulp down any unappetizing leftover ingredients.

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Old 14.07.2011, 10:01
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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Yes, lads, that didn't help explain them any better, did it? Move along.
We are wonderful creatures, we women, an enigma which many of you lads couldn't possibly do without!
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Old 14.07.2011, 10:11
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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We are wonderful creatures, we women, an enigma which many of you lads couldn't possibly do without!
One minute you want us to sit not stand and then you want to yak in our sink not yours??? Im im im aaaaaarrrrgghghhghgh!



nuff said
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Old 14.07.2011, 10:14
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

Thanks for the tip, I'm up for the challange...... just unsure as to whether I really will swallow.
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Old 14.07.2011, 10:16
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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Old 14.07.2011, 10:24
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

What a fun read !

Do you have a blog?
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Old 14.07.2011, 12:15
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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nuff said
Which are those planets? And what's that saying, "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus."?...
I'm still thinking...mmh? No, I knew I got it wrong - "Women are from Venus and men are from Myanus".
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Old 14.07.2011, 12:16
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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Which are those planets? And what's that saying, "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus."?...
I'm still thinking...mmh? No, I knew I got it wrong - "Women are from Venus and men are from Myanus".
those very same orbs
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Old 14.07.2011, 12:21
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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those very same orbs

Oh, I love a giggle...
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Old 14.07.2011, 14:28
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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Which are those planets? And what's that saying, "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus."?...
I'm still thinking...mmh? No, I knew I got it wrong - "Women are from Venus and men are from Myanus".
Difficult birth was it?
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Old 14.07.2011, 14:53
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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Difficult birth was it?
Yes, still trying to get over it...
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Old 14.07.2011, 15:02
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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Thanks for the tip, I'm up for the challange...... just unsure as to whether I really will swallow.

for a second I had to check which thread I was reading....
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Old 14.07.2011, 16:52
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

That was a fun read, I'm just completely baffled about its meaning.
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Old 14.07.2011, 18:38
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

I was told by someone a few years ago (in the beauty game) that one of the best facials to make was with cat litter (the grey stuff).
Add water and pack it on your face, leave for a while then rinse....
Works wonders by all accounts........
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Old 14.07.2011, 19:05
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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I was told by someone a few years ago (in the beauty game) that one of the best facials to make was with cat litter (the grey stuff).
Add water and pack it on your face, leave for a while then rinse....
Works wonders by all accounts........
I hope that you don't have to swallow any leftover ingredients with that one.
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Old 14.07.2011, 20:03
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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I was told by someone a few years ago (in the beauty game) that one of the best facials to make was with cat litter (the grey stuff).
Add water and pack it on your face, leave for a while then rinse....
Works wonders by all accounts........
Really? Ooh, might get the rolling pin out and smash up some 'Catsan'...


(How are you after that fall last year?)
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Old 14.07.2011, 20:15
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Re: The power of an egg and a lemon, for a DIY facial...

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I was told by someone a few years ago (in the beauty game) that one of the best facials to make was with cat litter (the grey stuff).
Add water and pack it on your face, leave for a while then rinse....
Works wonders by all accounts........
New, or used?

Tom
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