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Old 29.12.2012, 16:50
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cover letter in english: please help

Hello everybody,

can you help me with a cover letter I wrote for a job?
As you can imagine, it is very important to me, so if you have any suggestion, please...
(i.e. I don't like those "I' "I" "I"...).


Thank you very much!

---

Dear XXX Staffing Manager,

I have been working in communication and publishing industry for over fifteen years, dealing with both professional and lay audience.
I am very detailed oriented, creative and driven. I have a track record of accomplishments in my professional life and I would be enthusiast to share and expand my competence in a dynamic environment such as your organization.

Please find enclosed my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration.

Looking forward to hearing from you,
best regards,
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Old 29.12.2012, 17:25
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

First it would help if you gave the context to help but here goes.

My background involves some 15 years in the communication and publishing industry dealing with both professional clients and the general public.

I have an eye for detail with my strengths including creativity and a desire for success as demonstrated by a number of professional accomplishments in my career.

I look forward to being able to share these further with you
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Old 29.12.2012, 17:33
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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First it would help if you gave the context to help but here goes.

My background involves some 15 years in the communication and publishing industry dealing with both professional clients and the general public.

I have an eye for detail with my strengths including creativity and a desire for success as demonstrated by a number of professional accomplishments in my career.

I look forward to being able to share these further with you

Thank you very much Wallabies.
I would be glad to give you the context, can I write you a PM?
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Old 29.12.2012, 17:49
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

After "accomplishments in career" I would add "including..." to give an example that you would like to highlight - sort of like a piece of bait on a hook as a taster to encourage the reader to bother looking further at your CV.

But to add that, you may wish to play around with the wording to avoid two "includings" in that one sentence.
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Old 29.12.2012, 17:57
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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Thank you very much Wallabies.
I would be glad to give you the context, can I write you a PM?
Feel free to send a PM and happy to gove suggestions
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Old 29.12.2012, 18:21
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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Dear XXX Staffing Manager,

I have been working in communication and publishing industry for over fifteen years, dealing with both professional and lay audience.
I am very detailed oriented, creative and driven. I have a track record of accomplishments in my professional life and I would be enthusiast to share and expand my competence in a dynamic environment such as your organization.

Please find enclosed my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration.

Looking forward to hearing from you,
best regards,
I would have something like this:

Dear Sir/Madam (substitute a proper name, i.e. Dear Mr. Jones, if you have one, but don't put title)

I have over 15 years of experience working in the communications and publishing industry, with both professional and general public clients. I have good attention to details skills and am hard working and creative. During my professional career I have had many accomplishments such as (give a couple of examples) and am now seeking to expand and share my enthusiasm and knowledge in a new dynamic environment.

I enclose my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration and if you need any further information, please contact me.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Looking forward to hearing from you, best regards, is a little too friendly. Do make sure you include your contact details, not only on the CV, but also on your letter.
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Old 29.12.2012, 18:30
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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I would have something like this:

Dear Sir/Madam (substitute a proper name, i.e. Dear Mr. Jones, if you have one, but don't put title)

I have over 15 years of experience working in the communications and publishing industry, with both professional and general public clients. I have good attention to details skills and am hard working and creative. During my professional career I have had many accomplishments such as (give a couple of examples) and am now seeking to expand and share my enthusiasm and knowledge in a new dynamic environment.

I enclose my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration and if you need any further information, please contact me.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Looking forward to hearing from you, best regards, is a little too friendly. Do make sure you include your contact details, not only on the CV, but also on your letter.
Even better then my brief version
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Old 29.12.2012, 18:35
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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Even better then my brief version
Years of secretarial experience and having to write several for my hubby a few years ago. He provided the content and I tidied it up.
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Old 29.12.2012, 18:36
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

Just out of curiosity, I notice that a lot, if not all sentences start with an "I". As a non-native English-speaker, I was wondering, if this is typical for a well written English cover letter?
In German, I was taught to vary the beginnings of a sentence and to include the "you" part as well.
This may be a cultural difference, where one part (German speaking employer) would think the English speaking applicant is too self-centered and another one (English speaking empolyer) would think the German applicant lacks self confidence and is not clear enough.
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Old 29.12.2012, 19:03
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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. I have good attention to details skills and am hard working and creative. During my professional career I have had many accomplishments such as (give a couple of examples) and am now seeking to expand and share my enthusiasm and knowledge in a new dynamic environment.
.
I like what you have written, including the reasons for the final sentence. However I had to read the part I have put in italics several times for it to make sense to me.

A question that frequently comes up in interviews is "What can you offer this company?" Or something similar. So perhaps another sentence could be added by the OP, that gives examples of what s/he can bring to this new job ie: emphasis enthusiasm and any particular skills.
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Old 29.12.2012, 20:00
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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Just out of curiosity, I notice that a lot, if not all sentences start with an "I". As a non-native English-speaker, I was wondering, if this is typical for a well written English cover letter?
In German, I was taught to vary the beginnings of a sentence and to include the "you" part as well.
This may be a cultural difference, where one part (German speaking employer) would think the English speaking applicant is too self-centered and another one (English speaking empolyer) would think the German applicant lacks self confidence and is not clear enough.
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I like what you have written, including the reasons for the final sentence. However I had to read the part I have put in italics several times for it to make sense to me.

A question that frequently comes up in interviews is "What can you offer this company?" Or something similar. So perhaps another sentence could be added by the OP, that gives examples of what s/he can bring to this new job ie: emphasis enthusiasm and any particular skills.
Yes, indeed he could biff, especially if it is aimed at a particular position rather than a general enquiry. When my OH was applying for jobs here after being made redundant, every CV and letter was tailored to that particular job as some of his skills were more relevant than others so highlighting/emphasizing those skills made sense. But even for general enquiries, if you have a good understanding of what the company does then any relevant skills, and/or hobbies even, can be mentioned.

Knorrli, it's the bane of English CV cover letter writing, the curse of the "I". You are having to sell yourself, the emphasis is on you and what you can bring to the company/job. But, as biff pointed out earlier about having "including" twice in a sentence, it's something you work around as much as you can. The first sentence could be changed around a bit so it reads as "With over 15 years' experience in the communications and publishing industry, I have worked with both professional and general public clients.", removing the "I" from the start of the sentence. "And" can also be used to pull separate sentences into one longer one, avoiding using the "I" again, which I've done a couple of times. This is quite a short general enquiry letter; with more information on the OP's skills, experience and any particular job requirements you could do more with it. The trick is to avoid having "I" at the start of every sentence; the more you can reduce that the better the letter looks and reads.
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Old 29.12.2012, 21:18
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

Thank you, Medea. These are my experiences in German as well. In my cover letters, I try to avoid repetition and work around the "I" word as much as possible, to make it a good read.
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Old 29.12.2012, 22:44
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

You have all been very helpful, thank you very much!

I tried to write it again (I own a lot to Medea Fleecestealer...).
Please, tell me what you think about it.

Unfortunately, no name for the addressee...
In red: repetitions that I haven't been able to avoid.

THANK YOU, if I get this job, I promise I will offer a drink to all of you!

---

Dear Sirs,

my background involves over 15 years in the communication and publishing industry, dealing with both professional clients and the general public. I have good attention to details skills and am hard working, creative and open-minded.

During my professional career I have had many accomplishments: I am a published author for major main stream publishers (i.e. Rizzoli, Mondadori); moreover, having worked for seven years at Xxx, I have been copy writer, editor and contributor for the flagship magazine, "Xxx". At "Xxx", I also created and run the technology column.

I am now seeking to expand and share my enthusiasm and knowledge in a new dynamic environment. Given my background and skill-set, I would feel very comfortable with the role, and I am confident that my experience, motivation and character will fit well in the Xxx editorial team.

Please find enclosed my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration and if you need any further information, please contact me.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully
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Old 29.12.2012, 22:53
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

Some quick points:
  1. You should avoid over-use of "I" - (I assume) there will be many applicants: what is important is that you understand the job/the company etc. You are less important.
  2. Try to convey that you have researched the company, the position etc. and show that your skills are aligned with what they want (ie what you have cleverly determined what they want)
  3. Keep the CV brief and not over-the-top. The trick is to be modest but convey that you are more that what you write about. Don't throw everything at them, better to get them thinking/interested and have some things to follow up on during interview.
  4. Follow-up (in a week or so) with a call or one or two brief emails - you want them to remember you - not discard you. It also shows you are serious about wanting to work for them.

I hope this is helpful!

Here is how you could word your initial letter:

Dear XXX Staffing Manager,

Position advertised (amend as appropriate)

It is with keen interest that I read about / heard about / etc. the position advertised, and would very much like to apply for it. My past experience would make me a suitable candidate for the kind of attributes you are seeking. With fifteen years' experience in the communication and publishing industry, dealing with a variety of clients, I can offer you proven competence (see CV, references) in these fields. Having perused your website, I note that you operate in a dynamic, highly driven environment and one where creativity thrives. Working at your establishment is just the kind of challenge I have been looking for, and I would relish the opportunity to discuss this application further with you.

My CV, including reference details is enclosed.

Yours faithfully,

.......

(note: Dear Sir --> Yours faithfully / Dear Mr..... --> Yours sincerely)
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Old 29.12.2012, 23:17
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

How about:

Dear Sirs

[Job Title]

I refer to the above position, as advertised in [.......] and would very much like to be considered for this role.

Having over 15 years in the communication and publishing industry as [what specific positions], dealing with both professional clients and the general public, I am confident that I possess the requisite skills in order to fulfil this role. I pride myself on my attention to detail, dedication, tenacity and creativity.

During my professional career my accomplishments include having been a published author for major main stream publishers (i.e. Rizzoli, Mondadori); and a copywriter, editor and contributor for the flagship magazine during my employment at "Xxx", where I also created and ran the technology column.

I am now seeking to expand and share my enthusiasm and knowledge in a new dynamic environment. Given my background and skill-set, I am confident that my experience, motivation and character would fit well in the Xxx editorial team.

Please find enclosed my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration and I would be very happy to discuss this role further.

Yours faithfully

Last edited by NSchulzi; 29.12.2012 at 23:37. Reason: copywriter is one word
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Old 29.12.2012, 23:19
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

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You have all been very helpful, thank you very much!

I tried to write it again (I own a lot to Medea Fleecestealer...).
Please, tell me what you think about it.

Unfortunately, no name for the addressee...
In red: repetitions that I haven't been able to avoid.

THANK YOU, if I get this job, I promise I will offer a drink to all of you!

---

Dear Sirs,

my background involves over 15 years in the communication and publishing industry, dealing with both professional clients and the general public. I have good attention to details skills and am hard working, creative and open-minded.

During my professional career I have had many accomplishments: I am a published author for major main stream publishers (i.e. Rizzoli, Mondadori); moreover, having worked for seven years at Xxx, I have been copy writer, editor and contributor for the flagship magazine, "Xxx". At "Xxx", I also created and run the technology column.

I am now seeking to expand and share my enthusiasm and knowledge in a new dynamic environment. Given my background and skill-set, I would feel very comfortable with the role, and I am confident that my experience, motivation and character will fit well in the Xxx editorial team.

Please find enclosed my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration and if you need any further information, please contact me.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully
Almost. I've reddened the changes/corrections in the sentences.

Dear Sir/Madam (might be a woman, you don't know so don't assume)
Capital "M" for my background ...
mainsteam - one word, not two.
At XXX, I also created and ran (alternative "and currently run") the technology column. It would be ran if it's something you used to do and the alternative if you're still doing it.
... comfortable with the role, and am confident that my experience, motivation and character would fit in well with the Xxx editorial team. (That loses one of the "I's" for you.
I have enclosed my Curriculum Vitae for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you and if you need any further information, please contact me.

You will have repetitions with words like "I" and "my", they're unavoidable. But what is there is fine.

And AjarnPat and NSchulzi have both given you very good alternative letters to use as well. You're spolit for choice! Good luck in the job hunt.
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Old 30.12.2012, 01:11
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Re: cover letter in english: please help

May I suggest that you add a paragraph concerning what you could specifically do for the company and how you would satisfy the requirements of the position ?
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