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Old 10.01.2019, 15:05
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Re: Threatened by family member

So sorry to hear about your situation. Based on what I recently went through with my brother in law, I think it's very important to get some kind of official authority involved and let your ex know that you've informed someone of his behavior. At the very least tell him that other people are aware of what he's doing. Sometimes, as with my situation, making them aware that they can't be abusive in secret will make them check their behavior.

This is assuming he's not physically abusive. If that's the case, get out right now, asap. Yelling is one thing, and he can't go to jail for it. Hitting is something completely else.

I hope your situation improves. It sounds really bad for your kids.

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Dear EFers
Rather than starting a new thread, I thought I'd keep relevant topics together.

In our case it's a father who is threatening and very aggressive with words, emotions and actions.

I am no longer with him (he moved in with his most recent affair that he had while still married to me.)
The kids are with him 50% as I agreed at the time with his promise he loves the kids and wants to take care of them.

Meanwhile he still
, according to the kids, yells and screams at them for anything and everything. The kids are constantly on eggshells. He locks them in their rooms and threatens them with being locked in there all day. He tells the kids I'm crazy and mean to him, and e writes me A++ mail to tell me I'm psycho and am to blame for everything

It leaves the kids feeling scared, lonely, unloved and confused because they know I am a good mum to them and never bad-mouth their dad to them. The kids in fact draw their own conclusions about their father. When talk about it, I do so with professionals in a calm solution oriented way.

I've applied officially to have the kids sleep and have their stability with me and visit their father every day if they want. It just takes a long time

Would it be OTT do you think to go with them to the Frauen Haus? The kids and I are really suffering and I'm otherwise on my own here.

Thanks for the help guys and happy New year

Flying fox
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  #22  
Old 10.01.2019, 16:19
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Re: Threatened by family member

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What exactly can the police do, other than escalate the situation?

I know it's a knee-jerk reaction many people have, but police cannot really prevent crimes from happening, they can only show up after the fact and take pictures.
Informing the police of what is going on starts the procedure of proof. It's no longer a sudden he-said she-said case - they can advise and protect you when needed, can take proof of physical abuse and help get you to a shelter if needed. Many times the abused have no idea how bad the abuse actually is until they talk to the authorities.

In cases where one leaves the communal home, having informed the authorities may help with the permit process later on, as many times that permit is tied up to the working partner. Leaving the familial home can weight against you, even if you did it fearing for your life or that of your children.

This kind of silly talk that the police can't do anything until a crime is committed is feeding the helplessness of domestic abuse victims. The police are not all mighty, but they are also not useless buffoons.
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  #23  
Old 10.01.2019, 22:56
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Re: Threatened by family member

Actually, the police will not take a report on someone threatening you when it comes to domestic abuse, they will only act on currently happening events. If your partner is hitting you, they will stop him/her from hitting you while it is happening. If you want to prevent it from happening, you must go to court and get a restraining order.
The police will indeed take pictures after the event has happened, but as stated already they will not prevent anything from happening or monitor any threatened activities that have not been defined by court order.
You will not get the court order lightly or quickly. Punching, drawing a weapon without using it, throwing things and threats could be considered light violence. You will need multiple 100% provable events to get any reaction. If you are up against a good liar or a lawyer better than yours, you run a very real risk of being held accountable for attempting to damage the other person and having to pay their legal fees.
In other countries it is different, and you can expect support before you have been injured, stalked etc. I understand that many people want to believe it is different here, but it simply isn't unless you have connections and/or money.You would be better off going to a good lawyer for prevention, and the police during the violence.
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Old 10.01.2019, 23:21
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Re: Threatened by family member

Threat is a criminal offense in Switzerland.
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Old 11.01.2019, 11:39
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Re: Threatened by family member

If there was not a child involved I would have simply advised you get out of that marriage immediately given your wife doubted your story the first time around and being a part of a family will never give you peace unless she was prepared to cut them off completely. Sounds like a tricky situation OP, I think legal/professional advice is the route to go down given the sensitivity of the situation.

Sorry to hear and I hope you find a solution.
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