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  #21  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:24
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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A very well known company has a seven second rule. If you stare for
more than seven seconds it can be held against you as sexual abuse.

The company is Intel, this company policy is international - not just US.
That would be 7.000001597054 seconds if we are talking about Intel.
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  #22  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:26
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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A very well known company has a seven second rule. If you stare for
more than seven seconds it can be held against you as sexual abuse.

The company is Intel, this company policy is international - not just US.

I can remember getting briefed on that when I went on-site with them... It wasn't till weeks later that I realised they were not pulling my leg...
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Old 23.06.2009, 11:27
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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A very well known company has a seven second rule. If you stare for
more than seven seconds it can be held against you as sexual abuse.

The company is Intel, this company policy is international - not just US.
The trick then would be to buy a T-shirt with a motif written across the chesticles which takes more than 7 seconds to read and you would be in the money every time!
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  #24  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:27
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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I can remember getting briefed on that when I went on-site with them... It wasn't till weeks later that I realised they were not pulling my leg...
Got caught did you?
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  #25  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:29
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Interesting read indeed and to quote:

People with disfigurements would probably rather not have strangers staring relentlessly at them. And many starers surely wish they could stop. But experts believe it’s a Herculean effort to control such gaping, because it’s triggered not by insensitivity but by instinct.
People become transfixed due to the work of the amygdala, a primitive part of the brain evolved to sort faces into “safe” or “potentially unsafe” categories. When the amygdala cannot process a face that doesn’t fit any it has previously encountered, it simply freezes like a computer unable to process a command. Scientists say that regaining composure requires serious conscious effort.
....

Unfortunately, this is not a technique we can pull off on the fly. We’ve got to practice it.
“You have to become adept at observing yourself, both your external behavior and your internal body conditions,” LeDoux said. “When you feel an emotion swelling up, that’s when you have to do your best to put on the brakes. It’s not impossible. Different cultures express emotions to different degrees. In Eastern cultures, for example, people learn to suppress the external signs of emotion to a greater extent than in the Western world. So it can be done.”
This cortical exit strategy also works to conquer other emotions that cause the amygdala to lay siege to our behavior, such as anger and fear. So next time your boss provokes you, try taming your anger with algebra.

In order to put it in more colloquial language, when I was young and stared curiously at handicapped people my parents would beat a living crap out of me if I did not stop... So I guess yes it takes a lot of self-restrain or proper education during child's upbringing.
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  #26  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:33
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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In order to put it in more colloquial language, when I was young and stared curiously at handicapped people my parents would beat a living crap out of me if I did not stop... So I guess yes it takes a lot of self-restrain or proper education during child's upbringing.
On the contrary if you constantly stop a child looking at people with disfigurements they'll never get used to the fact that people can look different and you will end up making it into something which is, at best, unusual or, at worst, sinister and threatening.

There was a case of a children's presenter on CBeebies who was born without an arm and said in a recent interview she always answered any children asking her about her arm with very open and honest responses.
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Old 23.06.2009, 11:43
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Got caught did you?
Luckily, no.. when you go on site with a company like that, the first half day is spent answering multiple choice questions on the various different alarm bells, sirens, and flashing lights. The second half is usually about where you can park, canteen do's and don'ts, and "Appropriate" office behaviour...



I'm not a big fan of sanitising peoples personalities this way...Just makes office work boring...
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  #28  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:43
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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On the contrary if you constantly stop a child looking at people with disfigurements they'll never get used to the fact that people can look different and you will end up making it into something which is, at best, unusual or, at worst, sinister and threatening.

There was a case of a children's presenter on CBeebies who was born without an arm and said in a recent interview she always answered any children asking her about her arm with very open and honest responses.
We shall not create an image of the disfigured person comparable to "Lord of the Ring creatures" and make it sound like something threatening and sinister.

My parents always used to tell me that we have to discern whats going on around us but not to stare at the people with problems because for once it makes the person uncomfortable and for second it might be undescrete and disrespectful to remind about someone else's predicament via simple too long eye contact.
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  #29  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:47
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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On the contrary if you constantly stop a child looking at people with disfigurements they'll never get used to the fact that people can look different and you will end up making it into something which is, at best, unusual or, at worst, sinister and threatening.

There was a case of a children's presenter on CBeebies who was born without an arm and said in a recent interview she always answered any children asking her about her arm with very open and honest responses.

I know a man in a similar situation, and he said the same. That if children arent allowed to stare and ask questions, then they'll never become accustomed to people who look a little different.

I suppose the same can be said of race and ethnicity, to a certain extent.
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  #30  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:52
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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My parents always used to tell me that we have to discern whats going on around us but not to stare at the people with problems because for once it makes the person uncomfortable and for second it might be undescrete and disrespectful to remind about someone else's predicament via simple too long eye contact.
How do you propose breaking that down in easy to understand chunks for, say, a 2 year old who has just seen somebody get on the bus with an extensive port wine birthmark over half their face?

"Now then, little Johnny, we should only discern what is going on around us and not make the person uncomfortable by being indiscrete..."

Small pause

"But mummy, why has he got paint all over his face?!"

Genius.
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  #31  
Old 23.06.2009, 11:59
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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How do you propose breaking that down in easy to understand chunks for, say, a 2 year old who has just seen somebody get on the bus with an extensive port wine birthmark over half their face?

"Now then, little Johnny, we should only discern what is going on around us and not make the person uncomfortable by being indiscrete..."

Small pause

"But mummy, why has he got paint all over his face?!"

Genius.
I am sure it would be good enough to have a quick look and not to have son's attention for too long... or else do you suggest the kid should go up to the man and touch his birthmark and do more finding on nature of its origins?
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  #32  
Old 23.06.2009, 12:09
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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I am sure it would be good enough to have a quick look and not to have son's attention for too long... or else do you suggest the kid should go up to the man and touch his birthmark and do more finding on nature of its origins?
The thread is about staring not touching. Most small children are reluctant to go up to any stranger and start touching them, disfigured or not, so I wouldn't think this would be an issue, do you?

Currently I have major conjunctivitis in both eyes and my eyes look like something from a horror movie which has attracted a bit of attention on the morning commute.

Adults tend to look a bit disgusted, but the little kids either stare neutrally or even look a bit sympathetic.
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  #33  
Old 23.06.2009, 12:24
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Re: The sport of staring.....

As a nanny it has come up that a child in my care has come across someone unlike themselves. My first experience was of one of the little darlins screaming out the colour of a person who just entered the bus, I'd been teaching him colours just that morning, and other times when the amygdala is so shock, the little one can stand rooted to the spot, staring and gaping similtaneously at the sight of someone in a wheel-chair. I figure it's my reation to their reaction that's going to leave a lasting impression, so we have a bit of a talk about whatever he see's, no big issues of how it's either rude or disrespectful to stare, I just make it seem normal and he tends not to gape.
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  #34  
Old 23.06.2009, 12:29
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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The thread is about staring not touching. Most small children are reluctant to go up to any stranger and start touching them, disfigured or not, so I wouldn't think this would be an issue, do you?

Currently I have major conjunctivitis in both eyes and my eyes look like something from a horror movie which has attracted a bit of attention on the morning commute.

Adults tend to look a bit disgusted, but the little kids either stare neutrally or even look a bit sympathetic.
IMHO it is more about how sane, educated and healthy person reacts to such a situation giving a benefit of doubt to the person under predicament. My outmost intention is always to stay cool and not to allow myself to make any unnecessary or uncontrolled reaction that can make other people in less priviledged situation feel uncomfortable and that's my major point here.

If you teach a child from young age such an "embrace a difference" behaviour and sane judgment of the situation the child encounters, she/he will have an upper hand to control the situation better to avoid faux pass or unexpected in the future.

Many times my wife, while being of different than European ethnicity, has been asked by small kids about her origin thus attracting their attention never mind these younglings only staring at her incessantly everywhere we go.
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  #35  
Old 23.06.2009, 12:34
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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In order to put it in more colloquial language, when I was young and stared curiously at handicapped people my parents would beat a living crap out of me if I did not stop... So I guess yes it takes a lot of self-restrain or proper education during child's upbringing.
Somehow the sentiment in your earlier post doesn't match up with this later one...

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IMHO it is more about how sane, educated and healthy person reacts to such a situation giving a benefit of doubt to the person under predicament. My outmost intention is always to stay cool and not to allow myself to make any unnecessary or uncontrolled reaction that can make other people in less priviledged situation feel uncomfortable and that's my major point here.

If you teach a child from young age such an "embrace a difference" behaviour and sane judgment of the situation the child encounters, she/he will have an upper hand to control the situation better to avoid faux pass or unexpected in the future.

Many times my wife, while being of different than European ethnicity, has been asked by small kids about her origin thus attracting their attention never mind these younglings only staring at her incessantly everywhere we go.
So how did the handicapped person at whom you were staring react when your parents "beat the living crap" out of you? Personally I would have been mortified.
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  #36  
Old 23.06.2009, 12:38
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Re: The sport of staring.....

It's a natural thing to stare, so problem seems actually to be with the subject of the scrutiny, more than the act itself.
I don't mind being stared at. There are much worse things people can do to invade my personal space, I figure I'm visible - therefore I will be seen. I even try to interact sometimes, by either picking my nose for the maximum gross-out effect or by conjuring up a memory that will make me smile secretivley, to give the starer something to wonder at.
I, on the other hand am a constant starer. Although I've made it into an art by using reflective surfaces. Not out of respect, people just act differently if they think they are unobserved.
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Old 23.06.2009, 12:43
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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I don't mind being stared at.
Luckily... you were stared at for a whole month

Your reflective approach is good. Will have to practice that sometime.

My piercing question is:
Where does "People Watching" stop and "Staring" start?


I love people watching in the big city or at events & concerts
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Old 23.06.2009, 12:48
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Selbe schuld! (for all that did)
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Luckily... you were stared at for a whole month
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  #39  
Old 23.06.2009, 12:50
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Somehow the sentiment in your earlier post doesn't match up with this later one...



So how did the person at whom you were staring react when your parents "beat the living crap" out of you? Personally I would have been mortified.
What doesnt match within your understanding? If children were taught by parents to embrace the difference and give just a quick glimpse to understand the situation instead of resorting to gape at the disfigured person, which I find rude and inappropriate.

With my first post I am specifically referring to situation where you recognize the difference but allow your curiosity to overpower you and still stare incessantly without restrain, although you were taught by parents that such behaviour is not discrete and respectful for other person who might feel uncomfortable.

Moreover, what makes you thinking that parents would not control themselves and make another scene of reproaching the kid "in front of everyone on the bus" never mind the person whom attracted the child's attention.
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Old 23.06.2009, 12:58
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Moreover, what makes you thinking that parents would not control themselves and make another scene of reproaching the kid "in front of everyone on the bus" never mind the person whom attracted the child's attention.
All I was trying to illustrate was the fact that you said your parents "beat the living crap" out of you for staring at someone with a handicap. But if I were that handicapped person at whom you had been staring I would have been made to feel substantially more uncomfortable than if it had purely been the child staring (or gaping or pointing or even laughing in this case).

Having a parent make a really embarrassing scene even if it is focussed on the child is perhaps not the right course of action to make the handicapped person feel more comfortable.

My point was that "beating the living crap" out of a child is not the right way to get them to understand that someone who looks different should be treated normally.

Or maybe I am just weird like that.
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