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  #41  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:11
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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All I was trying to illustrate was the fact that you said your parents "beat the living crap" out of you for staring at someone with a handicap. But if I were that handicapped person at whom you had been staring I would have been made to feel substantially more uncomfortable than if it had purely been the child staring (or gaping or pointing or even laughing in this case).

Having a parent make a really embarrassing scene even if it is focussed on the child is perhaps not the right course of action to make the handicapped person feel more comfortable.

My point was that "beating the living crap" out of a child is not the right way to get them to understand that someone who looks different should be treated normally.

Or maybe I am just weird like that.
Do not get me wrong, I agree with your point. The phrase "to beat a living crap of (in this case me )" I just used very loosely to emphasize the rude behaviour on my side even though I have been aware (via parental education in the past) that such behaviour is not appropriate on my side. Surely such an embarassing scene wouldn't reflect well on parents side either, would it?

But again it strongly depends on the situation and it takes a lot of common sense and good judgment: it's different to look at e.g. handicapped man with Down syndrome who attracts attention or to look at absolutely boozed oak on the tram who can hardly restrain himself from puking. In both situation I would except a child to behave discrete but have an eye on "what might come out of the latter!!!" Obviously it is difficult to control a small kid few years of age who discovers the world. But believe me you find some adults too who can act funny under pressure of situation and let it go less discrete way. And I really mean here spoilt brats who didnt get proper education at home because both parents brought him up in lack of respect for other's manner. You meet all of the kind.
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  #42  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:16
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Sits here in Stunned amazement at how a thread can change from a simple statement about staring to this ...
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  #43  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:18
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Re: The sport of staring.....

I was always taught that its improper to hold contact with someone eyes for more than a short glance. Or to avert your eyes if you do meet someone elses. Well, at least this holds true for every metro system I have taken in an English speaking country.

But then again, perhaps being from a country in which I will say sorry even if another person bumps into me, makes me a little bit different. I suppose there is a difference in what is considered polite.
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  #44  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:19
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Sits here in Stunned amazement at how a thread can change from a simple statement about staring to this ...
Commonly known as derailing.

Lets try to keep this one on topic people, would be the first time in a long
time
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  #45  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:21
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Sits here in Stunned amazement at how a thread can change from a simple statement about staring to this ...
Well, it's a refreshing change from it descending into the usual short-sighted conclusion about how "dumb" the Swiss must be for staring at everyone.

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Commonly known as derailing.

Lets try to keep this one on topic people, would be the first time in a long
time
It hasn't been derailed! Every post is about staring and how people deal with it.
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  #46  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:27
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Re: The sport of staring.....

I wouldn't necessarily agree with that, it is not derailed.... I have just quoted excerpts from guide on how to stop staring, which attracted my attention and let's put it in more diplomatic way Soundgrounder and I are sharing our views on the topic...

or do we just discuss...???

"how the Swiss do tend to stare a bit more than what most Anglo types are used to"
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  #47  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:31
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Well, it's a refreshing change from it descending into the usual short-sighted conclusion about how "dumb" the Swiss must be for staring at everyone.



It hasn't been derailed! Every post is about staring and how people deal with it.

No stress! It was a simple remark

I agree, this thread is most refreshing.

The comment about keeping things on track here was just a reminder
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  #48  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:31
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Mr Scott's avatar is a continuous reminder that staring remains on topic wherever and whatever his Sauronesque eye is trained on.
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  #49  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:39
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Mr Scott's avatar is a continuous reminder that staring remains on topic wherever and whatever his Sauronesque eye is trained on.
... and that was a disfigured creature with one eye only from remarkable Tolkien's trilogy that I wouldnt want to stare at in my entire life with or without parental guidance.
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  #50  
Old 23.06.2009, 13:45
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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I know a man in a similar situation, and he said the same. That if children arent allowed to stare and ask questions, then they'll never become accustomed to people who look a little different.

I suppose the same can be said of race and ethnicity, to a certain extent.
are you inferring a possible basis for SVP strategy/tactics (regarding race/ethnicity/nationality)?
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  #51  
Old 23.06.2009, 14:03
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Re: The sport of staring.....

I do not want to bring on more examples of undesirable staring but this passage agitates me tremendously:

"So, what can you do to stop your primitive brain from embarrassing you in public?
One theory is that the key may lie in the cortex. When we see someone approach, the thalamus directs the visual impulse to the visual cortex for processing. The cortex “thinks” about the impulse and makes sense of it: “Mom!” it concludes, for example. That message then shoots to the amygdala where a cascade of peptides and hormones are released that creates emotion (love, say) and spur your reaction (smile, hug, etc.).
Previous research has shown that when we encounter something that may represent danger, however, the thalamus bypasses the thinking cortex and goes straight to the primitive amygdala to make the call: Is this safe or potentially dangerous? If the visual image fits no known pattern, the amygdala detains the image for further questioning, and, we stare."

I dunno why but it reminds me about the youth when I was a varsity student, I used to hang around the bars (to certain acceptable extent not to make it a habit).

Imagine a situation there are some bunch of drunken oaks and you enter the pub. Now imagine some fellas became intoxicated and started a brawl. They might glance at you and you start staring back at them. If you bumped into the wrong bunch you have had it. Then surely they will take care of your bones, spine and "cortex" soon before the thalamus bypasses the thinking cortex and goes straight to the primitive amygdala to make the call...

I was always taught to avoid such encounters and back off before provoking any similar situation. So I guess "act of staring" here somehow does not help and scientific explanation might be tarnished by brutal interaction on the wranglers side.... just the thought . Have a nice day
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  #52  
Old 23.06.2009, 14:12
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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are you inferring a possible basis for SVP strategy/tactics (regarding race/ethnicity/nationality)?
I don't really know what you mean by "basis for SVP strategy/tactics" as I have no experience with the SVP or how they operate. I was talking about the type of situation Deborah later described...

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My first experience was of one of the little darlins screaming out the colour of a person who just entered the bus, I'd been teaching him colours just that morning...
That's how children react. They'll stare and point and ask "Mammy, why is that man brown/got weird eyes/got no legs/got paint on his face?". Berating them and telling them that its rude will not help much in the long run. Simply explaining the situation rationally is the best solution (in my opinion). Once they understand, they wont be as shocked/surprised/stunned in future, and will be less likely to point and stare...

Again, Deborahs response seems to be the right approach...

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I figure it's my rea[c]tion to their reaction that's going to leave a lasting impression, so we have a bit of a talk about whatever he see's, no big issues of how it's either rude or disrespectful to stare, I just make it seem normal and he tends not to gape.
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  #53  
Old 06.11.2009, 20:46
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Re: The sport of staring.....

omg omg omg!

i had this weird experience the other night last tuesday. been at the st.pauli. sat down and one bloke his back towards me turned around an literally came face to face to me....STARING. he looked pretty sh!t faced. his mate joined in and some folks at the bar... feck me thats...beyond words...hahahahaha! i wasnt sure what offense i have caused, good or bad sign...i remembered all those posts here and had to laugh (later )
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  #54  
Old 06.11.2009, 21:38
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Re: The sport of staring.....

I am Swiss and I probably stare more. It is cultural. In France also, people stare.
When you see French people sitting outside at a bistro drinking their Pastis. What do they do? They stare at people passing by. People watching is a pastime.
I had to adapt in the US. A big no no especially in the workplace
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Old 06.11.2009, 21:41
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Re: The sport of staring.....

in my home town, maintaining eye contact with another guy for more than about half a second would most likely initiate a fight. seriously.
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Old 07.11.2009, 01:39
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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omg omg omg!

i had this weird experience the other night last tuesday. been at the st.pauli. sat down and one bloke his back towards me turned around an literally came face to face to me....STARING. he looked pretty sh!t faced. his mate joined in and some folks at the bar... feck me thats...beyond words...hahahahaha! i wasnt sure what offense i have caused, good or bad sign...i remembered all those posts here and had to laugh (later )
I was surprised to read on this thread that this was a problem. I was used to be stared at during all my childhood/school-years. There were two reasons, one was that I in the 50ies and 60ies was one of only a few boys with "southern / darkish" looks around, the other was that I was the younger brother of "Küde" who was reputed for his habit to beat boys two years older than he was to pulp, just if he felt a grumpy mood about them. The ugly thing rather was that people 3 years down and 50 years up between Paradeplatz and Thalwil knew me, while I failed to have any idea who they were . But so, I simply cannot tell you whether today anybody did stare at me or not. Possibly yes, but I early enough learnt not to care about it and so really do so.
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  #57  
Old 07.11.2009, 02:37
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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in my home town, maintaining eye contact with another guy for more than about half a second would most likely initiate a fight. seriously.
Actually I thought of this earlier today with something a bit different. A woman told me she had to push in front of me because she was "busy" in Interio. I smiled sweetly, but I was thinking "just never leave Zurich love" - if she tried to pull that sh.t in London she'd be followed home.
Also, once when I swore on the street (not loudly) in a private conversation, an elderly lady walked up to me and began loudly repremanding me (my acquiantance translated).

Maybe this and all the staring is a product of a low crime rate?
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  #58  
Old 07.11.2009, 02:45
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Actually I thought of this earlier today with something a bit different. A woman told me she had to push in front of me because she was "busy" in Interio. I smiled sweetly, but I was thinking "just never leave Zurich love" - if she tried to pull that sh.t in London she'd be followed home.
Also, once when I swore on the street (not loudly) in a private conversation, an elderly lady walked up to me and began loudly repremanding me (my acquiantance translated).

Maybe this and all the staring is a product of a low crime rate?
I think it is. I'm told there's less casual violence in the US, because a fight can escalate to a shooting fairly easily.

Also found in Switzerland and Germany people tend to be very verbally agressive towards each other (e.g. shouting at each other over driving etc.) whereas in the UK, this is likely to result in tire-irons being drawn.
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  #59  
Old 07.11.2009, 05:26
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Re: The sport of staring.....

I also enjoy people watching but I certainly never stare...
I think in the English cultures we are taught from a very
young age that it is rude or impolite to stare at others...
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  #60  
Old 07.11.2009, 09:19
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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I think it is. I'm told there's less casual violence in the US, because a fight can escalate to a shooting fairly easily.









I do suppose it depends upon WHERE this occurs but, c'mon now.

I've seen a number of fights, have even been in one or two (mace is not fun, particularly if your face is scratched) and have yet to see a gun which has been drawn in real life.
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