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  #61  
Old 07.11.2009, 09:27
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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I do suppose it depends upon WHERE this occurs but, c'mon now.

I've seen a number of fights, have even been in one or two (mace is not fun, particularly if your face is scratched) and have yet to see a gun which has been drawn in real life.
you need to go to some more exciting places then!
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  #62  
Old 07.11.2009, 12:07
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Regarding the actual topic, I've been giving it some thought.

Perhaps the folks in Basel don't stare as much as other places? Perhaps I'm simply oblivious to their stares?

I think the truth is that I am a rather curious person and look at everyone myself. I'm not sure I'd say that I stare at them but I definitely allow myself to look around and if someone "catches" me looking at them, I simply smile.

Same goes I guess if I meet the eye of someone who was looking at me.
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  #63  
Old 07.11.2009, 12:30
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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I think it is. I'm told there's less casual violence in the US, because a fight can escalate to a shooting fairly easily.

Also found in Switzerland and Germany people tend to be very verbally agressive towards each other (e.g. shouting at each other over driving etc.) whereas in the UK, this is likely to result in tire-irons being drawn.
An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.

- Robert A Heinlein
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  #64  
Old 07.11.2009, 12:36
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Re: The sport of staring.....

"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
- Al Capone.
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  #65  
Old 09.11.2009, 12:46
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Staring..

I am wondering, perhaps, if I have become paranoid since being here, or does anyone else have a complex that Swiss stare a lot?

Perhaps I do look strange to them, altho I am not sure how.. I wear the standard black/navy or brown colours people seem to trend here in winter and my looks are of italian nature (being italian backgroud), dark hair etc..
Or perhaps it is that I speak english with my friends/family here. I am "assured" that I blend in!

Then again, i notice it is not just me that get's stared at, where I can look at an older person whilst I am out and about and see that they stare a lot of disapproval to what a young girl is wearing when she walks past.. or such things.

I can understand curiosity when someone is speaking another language, etc. But i get that "creepy" sensation that I am being watched, and look around and see that someone is downright staring at me. I'm confused!!

Or paranoid?
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  #66  
Old 09.11.2009, 12:48
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Re: Staring..

Hmm, I think this subject has been dealt with in another post.

Basically... welcome to Switzerland or even Germany at that... they all stare and so do I, seeing as I have been here so long. It's great and no-one minds. If you forgot your book, you can always do a really good people watching (staring) and no-one will say anything to you fab eh?
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  #67  
Old 09.11.2009, 12:51
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Re: The sport of staring.....

This post came up as being a new one, or I really need glasses!!! My answer is a bit daft now. Maybe I need another coffee...
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  #68  
Old 09.11.2009, 12:52
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Re: Staring..

Ok, now I realise it's not 100% me. Jasmine 24, read the danged full post before writing one yourself ok? This really has been dealt with.. in 4 pages... stop wasting print!


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I am wondering, perhaps, if I have become paranoid since being here, or does anyone else have a complex that Swiss stare a lot?

Perhaps I do look strange to them, altho I am not sure how.. I wear the standard black/navy or brown colours people seem to trend here in winter and my looks are of italian nature (being italian backgroud), dark hair etc..
Or perhaps it is that I speak english with my friends/family here. I am "assured" that I blend in!

Then again, i notice it is not just me that get's stared at, where I can look at an older person whilst I am out and about and see that they stare a lot of disapproval to what a young girl is wearing when she walks past.. or such things.

I can understand curiosity when someone is speaking another language, etc. But i get that "creepy" sensation that I am being watched, and look around and see that someone is downright staring at me. I'm confused!!

Or paranoid?
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  #69  
Old 09.11.2009, 15:41
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Re: The sport of staring.....

OK, I need some cultural clarification I think...

There was another thread where mixed saunas were discussed. If I was there and started staring at a woman, is that not considered creepy? Would one smile or say hello, then resume staring? I don't think I would do it, but I would definitely have to exert some effort from my cortex not to.

I think in the USA a lot of people are worried about "PDA" (public displays of affection) for whatever customary reasons. I have done an about-face and now fully support it, but I always tried to follow the rule that if one stares, it is their fault for being a creep, and no fault of the couple expressing themselves. What is the attitude in Switzerland?

I guess I sound like a creep myself, but in general I am still getting used to the greater openness regarding sex/the body compared to the US. It's even more different for me to think that it's OK to openly stare at people "in that way."

But if that's the way it is, then I say stare away! But I would still be inclined to acknowledge my 'prey' if there were eye contact...
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  #70  
Old 09.11.2009, 15:48
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Re: Staring..

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Ok, now I realise it's not 100% me. Jasmine 24, read the danged full post before writing one yourself ok? This really has been dealt with.. in 4 pages... stop wasting print!

I am sorry if my post offended you. I actually put it in another "forum" because I have not yet had the time to peruse the extensive range of "headings and subjects" of where I should post something. It was, and is simply, that I had a general question, and it was then moved to the correct place.
So I am sorry if I have offended you enough to the point that you insult me about wasting print. If you are so concerned about wasting print, I can't understand why you would bother posting again?

Thank you to the moderator for putting it in the correct place, and I know that this is time consuming, however, as I previously mentioned, I did not know this topic existed.
I don't know whether I need to be more careful to actually attempt a discussion for fear of wrong placement of topic and the consequence it might offend someone.
I shall be a bit more mindful of initiating or participating in future.
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  #71  
Old 09.11.2009, 15:54
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Oh God, get the violins out. If you had searched properly you would have come accross it...

"print" whatever you want. No-one stopping you.

Oh thanks for the groan nobody important!!
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  #72  
Old 09.11.2009, 15:57
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Re: Staring..

I don't think Gwendy was that serious about it Jasmine.
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  #73  
Old 09.11.2009, 15:57
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Oh God, get the violins out. If you had searched properly you would have come accross it...

"print" whatever you want. No-one stopping you.

Oh thanks for the groan nobody important!!
....and breathe....

It might've been nice to point to this thread - but it's too late, it's merged and you look like you've had a rant

Relax
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  #74  
Old 09.11.2009, 15:58
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Oooops. When a thread is merged, the OP gets a notification PM but subsequent posters don't. (So that would be why the confusion, I'm guessing.)

We generally try to moderate as seamlessly as possible but in this case maybe it was a little too seamless.
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  #75  
Old 09.11.2009, 16:23
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Appologise to all.. Thank you Boxman for this suggestion. I have taken 5 and have practiced some breathing techniques... having a couple of weeks from hell. Sorry if it sounded like I was having a rant.
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  #76  
Old 09.11.2009, 16:28
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Re: The sport of staring.....

Back on topic, I have found a great way to avoid being caught staring: looking at areas where eye contact is unlikely.

And that is how I became a chronic ass-watcher.
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  #77  
Old 10.11.2009, 01:31
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Re: The sport of staring.....

there is a difference between looking, watching an staring.
i mean i never had it before and i never noticed it that much ike the other night. i thought maybe its because of the establishment, langstrasse...st.pauli....red light...hookers/pimps... in any other town i have lived the bloke would face at least "whatcha lookin at, mate?" and depending on the situation this would cause serious trouble/fight...but the defensive person i am...i sipped my beer and carried on...
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  #78  
Old 14.11.2009, 06:31
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Re: The sport of staring.....

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Interesting read indeed and to quote:

People with disfigurements would probably rather not have strangers staring relentlessly at them. And many starers surely wish they could stop. But experts believe it’s a Herculean effort to control such gaping, because it’s triggered not by insensitivity but by instinct.
People become transfixed due to the work of the amygdala, a primitive part of the brain evolved to sort faces into “safe” or “potentially unsafe” categories. When the amygdala cannot process a face that doesn’t fit any it has previously encountered, it simply freezes like a computer unable to process a command. Scientists say that regaining composure requires serious conscious effort.
....

Unfortunately, this is not a technique we can pull off on the fly. We’ve got to practice it.
“You have to become adept at observing yourself, both your external behavior and your internal body conditions,” LeDoux said. “When you feel an emotion swelling up, that’s when you have to do your best to put on the brakes. It’s not impossible. Different cultures express emotions to different degrees. In Eastern cultures, for example, people learn to suppress the external signs of emotion to a greater extent than in the Western world. So it can be done.”
This cortical exit strategy also works to conquer other emotions that cause the amygdala to lay siege to our behavior, such as anger and fear. So next time your boss provokes you, try taming your anger with algebra.

In order to put it in more colloquial language, when I was young and stared curiously at handicapped people my parents would beat a living crap out of me if I did not stop... So I guess yes it takes a lot of self-restrain or proper education during child's upbringing.
LOL!!!!! Yeah I was taught growing up not to stare too, so it will be interesting to see people who stare regularly. LOL!
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  #79  
Old 02.03.2010, 16:10
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Quit staring at me!

Okay, what is with people in this country and staring? When I was a single girl here I didn't mind so much and of course being young, naive and careless I assumed it was because I was hot... haha. Now that I am a Mother and of course suspicious of everyone, I find myself wondering what it is about me that everyone seems to find so fascinating? Whenever I am on the tram, someone stares at me. Whenever I am out someone is staring at me? In the states we have an unstated three second rule, anymore then that you are either hitting on me, or being rude. One man was so bad staring at me and my daughter on the train my husband almost had an altercation with him. I have been trying to put it out of my mind as paranoia or maybe they are looking at something behind me, but the more it goes on the more I can't help but to feel as if more people stare in this country. Oh, and if my baby is fussing the tiniest bit, everyone turns to see what is going on... UM, Mind your own BUSINESS!!! UGH. I am so sick of this. I was at Starbucks the other day when my little one was having a bit of a tantrum, because she is teething. So I took her outside and put her in her stroller. Of course she was tired and crying. Everyone turns to stare at me, as though I am beating a kid! If I am by myself there is no way I can carry a toddler, and push a pram, while carrying a diaper bag. I push her around the corner until she fell asleep and came back to finish my tea. Then everyone stares at me again. AHHHHH! I just don't get it, and feel better about complaining Anyone else notice this?
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Old 02.03.2010, 16:14
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Re: Quit staring at me!

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Okay, what is with people in this country and staring? When I was a single girl here I didn't mind so much and of course being young, naive and careless I assumed it was because I was hot... haha. Now that I am a Mother and of course suspicious of everyone, I find myself wondering what it is about me that everyone seems to find so fascinating? Whenever I am on the tram, someone stares at me. Whenever I am out someone is staring at me? In the states we have an unstated three second rule, anymore then that you are either hitting on me, or being rude. One man was so bad staring at me and my daughter on the train my husband almost had an altercation with him. I have been trying to put it out of my mind as paranoia or maybe they are looking at something behind me, but the more it goes on the more I can't help but to feel as if more people stare in this country. Oh, and if my baby is fussing the tiniest bit, everyone turns to see what is going on... UM, Mind your own BUSINESS!!! UGH. I am so sick of this. I was at Starbucks the other day when my little one was having a bit of a tantrum, because she is teething. So I took her outside and put her in her
stroller. Of course she was tired and crying. Everyone turns to stare at me, as though I am beating a kid! If I am by myself there is no way I can carry a toddler, and push a pram, while carrying a diaper bag. I push her around the corner until she fell asleep and came back to finish my tea. Then everyone stares at me again. AHHHHH! I just don't get it, and feel better about complaining Anyone else notice this?
maybe a wee bit paranoid?? some people have massive staring problems!! but I know for me if I bring the little uns into starbucks and the cry people are looking out of annoyance.......quiet place to have coffee and someone brings in a crying child!!!

I stare back just as hard and feel like shouting...EVRYEONE smokes everywhere else!! I am a smoker so yes indeed I am grateful for that!! but the days I have kids and need coffee....Starbucks is the only place!!

just try not to let it get to you!!!
see it as payback...encourage the child to scream even :P
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