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Old 13.02.2010, 19:50
angelae
 
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Why are people mean?

I may have posted this in the wrong place - if I have I'm sorry :-)

I feel I need to get this off my chest so to speak as a recent experience on the EF has left me feeling very sad and bemused. I haven't posted it under complaints as it isn't one really - more a statement of disillusionment.

I have loved this site, I wont win any prizes for having the most posts. I mainly read other peoples threads and basically enjoy the insight it gives. I love reading peoples views on things - whether I agree with them or not.

I recently found the thread that was complaining (quite aggressively I thought) about moderators closing & renaming posts and threads. Several people had made replies and I posted a reply simply asking "If you dislike the way it's run that much - why are you here using it?" I didn't think this was an unreasonable question, the OP was calling himself a victim and was obviously quite angry about it.

My post didn't receive any groans or from what I can see any direct responses but an individual member took it on themselves to mark my reputation down by 2 points. As I haven't been a long standing member I now have a negative reputation and this I find upsetting.

I have to wonder what makes someone go out with the sole intention of being mean - what other thought process can there have been?. A simple reply could have made the point he was trying to make.

I am very saddened that there is no escape from behaviour like this.

Anyway sorry to burden you all with it but as I said I needed to say it.
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  #2  
Old 13.02.2010, 20:04
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Re: Why are people mean?

I cancel out the bad rep etc you received
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:08
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Re: Why are people mean?

Good point, some people here don't like newer forum bodies getting too involved in threads like that, especially saying "well bugger off then" or similar. Also, please try your best not to reveal the identity of any private message or reputation you might have received. These are private. I have, after seeing your general posts, doubly reversed the bad reputation given to you by someone.
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:12
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Re: Why are people mean?

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Good point, some people here don't like newer forum bodies getting too involved in threads like that, especially saying "well bugger off then" or similar.
Not really fair, but life isn't really fair.
(Personally i hate this, as we were all new once - and "new" is relative...)

Some here have called it the Rights of Passage. You get a bit of flack, then if you're brave enough, give it back - and those that are watching get a feel of who you are.

Remember that what someone else says, says more about them than it does about you.
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:21
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Re: Why are people mean?

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I have to wonder what makes someone go out with the sole intention of being mean - what other thought process can there have been?. A simple reply could have made the point he was trying to make.

I am very saddened that there is no escape from behaviour like this.

Anyway sorry to burden you all with it but as I said I needed to say it.

Thank you for such an adult response to infantile behavior. I gave you some positive rep for that

Well, true, there is no real escape from stuff like this... what are you going to do? there are lots of fools out there, and lots of mean people, and there isn't much to be done about it other than avoid them and don't let them get you down ...

Last edited by dino; 13.02.2010 at 20:22. Reason: spelling
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:23
angelae
 
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Re: Why are people mean?

thank you - that isn't why I posted the message but it's appreciated :-)

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Good point, some people here don't like newer forum bodies getting too involved in threads like that, especially saying "well bugger off then" or similar. Also, please try your best not to reveal the identity of any private message or reputation you might have received. These are private. I have, after seeing your general posts, doubly reversed the bad reputation given to you by someone.
Thank you - I haven't quoted names for exactly that reason

Last edited by vwild1; 13.02.2010 at 21:23. Reason: Merged 2 successive posts into 1
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:25
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Re: Why are people mean?

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Not really fair, but life isn't really fair.
(Personally i hate this, as we were all new once - and "new" is relative...)

Some here have called it the Rights of Passage. You get a bit of flack, then if you're brave enough, give it back - and those that are watching get a feel of who you are.

Remember that what someone else says, says more about them than it does about you.
Thatīs a good point. Donīt take it too personal whatīs going on on such a forum. As nice as it is (and I really like it here), itīs still "just" the world wide web.
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:33
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Re: Why are people mean?

It sucks when people take sometimes things too personal. You made my day with this true post - the balance will be restored
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  #9  
Old 13.02.2010, 20:35
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Re: Why are people mean?

It's a weird beast this forum sometimes and I can only guess the reason is because it is populated by human beings and their diversity in opinions, culture, maturity, alcohol levels, phase of the moon.

Earlier this week, there was a newbie who just launched in with thread after thread of trolling scattered with offensive outbursts. After 80-odd posts I noticed the member had three green blobs of rep.

Keep posting the way that you are and it will straighten itself out for you.

I got three "revenge" groans today from another accomplished troll on this forum but you just have to realise that groans/bad rep borne from this kind of reaction speaks volumes for them rather than me.
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:42
angelae
 
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Re: Why are people mean?

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Thank you for such an adult response to infantile behavior. I gave you some positive rep for that

Well, true, there is no real escape from stuff like this... what are you going to do? there are lots of fools out there, and lots of mean people, and there isn't much to be done about it other than avoid them and don't let them get you down ...

Thank you - as I've already said, I didn't make the OP to gain rep back but it is appreciated. More over I appreciate your sentiments as you (and all the other replies) have restored my feelings about the EF.
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:46
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Re: Why are people mean?

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Thank you - as I've already said, I didn't make the OP to gain rep back but it is appreciated. More over I appreciate your sentiments as you (and all the other replies) have restored my feelings about the EF.
We know, but we would like you to know that the EF has decent members that care about "newbies".
I was one around this time last year.

Keep posting
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:49
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Re: Why are people mean?

Quote:
I got three "revenge" groans today from another accomplished troll on this forum but you just have to realise that groans/bad rep borne from this kind of reaction speaks volumes for them rather than me.

I did feel that you were targeted rather unfairly and for no obvious reason on that thread.

Isn't the forum all about advice, sharing experiences and light hearted banter??

I haven't laughed so much or come away with so many warm fuzzies, from this forum, as I have over the last month. Thanks EF!!
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Old 13.02.2010, 20:53
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Re: Why are people mean?

That person groaned me a couple time for posts so innocuous I believe one was a recommendation for a good Turkish restaurant.
Quote:
It's a weird beast this forum sometimes and I can only guess the reason is because it is populated by human beings and their diversity in opinions, culture, maturity, alcohol levels, phase of the moon.

Earlier this week, there was a newbie who just launched in with thread after thread of trolling scattered with offensive outbursts. After 80-odd posts I noticed the member had three green blobs of rep.

Keep posting the way that you are and it will straighten itself out for you.

I got three "revenge" groans today from another accomplished troll on this forum but you just have to realise that groans/bad rep borne from this kind of reaction speaks volumes for them rather than me.
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Old 13.02.2010, 21:07
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Re: Why are people mean?

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That person groaned me a couple time for posts so innocuous I believe one was a recommendation for a good Turkish restaurant.
Ah, I'm getting PMs littered with four letter words at the mo. Nothing on the telly so might as well go and pop a beer and open some popcorn and fascinate myself with the world of cyberbullying.
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Old 13.02.2010, 21:08
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Re: Why are people mean?

Don't worry, I've put it so deep in the 4-red-blobby hole that it'll never climb out.
Quote:
Ah, I'm getting PMs littered with four letter words at the mo. Nothing on the telly so might as well go and pop a beer and open some popcorn and fascinate myself with the world of cyberbullying.
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  #16  
Old 13.02.2010, 21:23
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Re: Why are people mean?

And i guess we know who the troll is
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Old 13.02.2010, 21:28
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Re: Why are people mean?

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And i guess we know who the troll is
Some trolls prefer groaning to posting. It's their way
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Old 13.02.2010, 21:35
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Re: Why are people mean?

Personally I think it would be good idea if rep records were public, i.e. completely transparent. That might show up some over-nice or over-nasty scoring. And we'd get to see some positive or negative tit-for-tats.
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Old 13.02.2010, 21:58
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Re: Why are people mean?

I am not fan of "tit for tat" game, red blobby for green rep but sometimes you have to be strict with some wild horses. Having said that I prefer to feel more love on the EF as this is an expat community and there is no reason for "bring me down some more" attitude as the life sets enough challanges on foreign land. Only mutual understanding and solidarity will make the transition for expats so much easier. We are the world we are the children....
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Old 13.02.2010, 22:01
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Re: Why are people mean?

Sandgrounder, What did you do to be so hated by this person?
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