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  #21  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:09
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Re: Seperation

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That's one of the reasons why there are so many one-parent families, because people take the easy way out, instead of really thinking what's best for the child, who presumably loves both parents, and often what's best for themselves too at the end of the day.
Maybe your wife is unhappy here because she doesn't have family and friends around. Maybe it's as simple as that.
Maybe she didn't really sleep with the chap on holiday, but is saying that because she wants to hit out at you because she hurts.
Maybe, just maybe. Or maybe I've lived too long and have seen it ALL.
Sorry, but I don't understand the "what's best for the child" bit. I think any child is better off living with a single parent than in a family where the mother sleeps with a new man every now and then while still married.
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  #22  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:13
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Re: Seperation

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Not sure who you think is looking at the easy way out here... if the facts as given are straight, then the wife is a flake.
In no disrespect to the OP, I have to side with ceppych here. The main point is: are the facts given straight?

I unfortunately know too many men that went through a divorce that play the innocent type. When you get to know more about the story, you get to see it's never a one-side offense. Why did your wife seek someone else, if in deed she did, and is not forcing you to act based on a (not nice) lie? (but I think this is getting out of topic nevertheless)

There is no such thing as a 100% truth during a marriage crisis. I wish the best to your child, and I hope you get to keep contact with her no matter the outcome of your marriage. I would take the previous advises to consult a lawyer and look for a job, in case you don’t. Having a job is a help to sustain your child and keep a good look (as in “integrated” look) for the Swiss authorities.
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  #23  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:16
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Re: Seperation

To summarize- men cheat because they're all pigs, and women cheat because their man is also a pig.

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  #24  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:16
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Re: Seperation

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That's one of the reasons why there are so many one-parent families, because people take the easy way out, instead of really thinking what's best for the child, who presumably loves both parents, and often what's best for themselves too at the end of the day.
Maybe your wife is unhappy here because she doesn't have family and friends around. Maybe it's as simple as that.
Maybe she didn't really sleep with the chap on holiday, but is saying that because she wants to hit out at you because she hurts.
Maybe, just maybe. Or maybe I've lived too long and have seen it ALL.
And often you hear children from divorces tell stories of how relieved they were, once their Parents went their separate ways, because of all the fighting that goes on. It's not always best to stay together for your Children's sake, both Parents can love their Child separately if they have to.
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Old 03.08.2011, 12:19
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Re: Seperation

apparently she had to go on holiday coz the 'weather was not good" here in Switzerland, and i could not go at that short notice coz of work. she was on holiday with her family, so one of them was babysitting my daughter while the hanky panky was going on. later the rest claim they didnt know what my wife was up to
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Old 03.08.2011, 12:21
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Re: Seperation

At least we've all given Alex something to think about, on which to draw his own conclusions.
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Old 03.08.2011, 12:21
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Re: Seperation

Or... she wasn't feeling loved ( how have you been expressing your love and respect for your wife) or..... all sorts of other reasons. (are you a good listener - why do some women fall in love, at least temporaarily, with their doctor - it's because they feel they are being listened to and valued)

This is a very important decision to be making. You do NOT have to make it in a hurry. There is nothing to lose, and perhaps much to be gained, by actually giving your wife that time, that she is requesting. Along with that, I suggest that you both look at going to a relationships counsellor.

As a positive note: friends of mine went through a version of this scenario. After counselling, tears and much talking , they managed to get back on track - ten years later, I see them as being a very committed happy couple.
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  #28  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:23
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Re: Seperation

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apparently she had to go on holiday coz the 'weather was not good" here in Switzerland, and i could not go at that short notice coz of work. she was on holiday with her family, so one of them was babysitting my daughter while the hanky panky was going on. later the rest claim they didnt know what my wife was up to

Since your self esteem must be at an all time high right now, you might as well let the audience know what kind of half-ass maneuvers you pulled to make your wife seek solace in a stranger's arms.




I truly do hope things work out in an amicable way, and your daughter can enjoy the presence of both her parents even if they aren't together anymore.
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  #29  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:26
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Re: Seperation

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To summarize- men cheat because they're all pigs, and women cheat because their man is also a pig.

I must confess, though, I couldn't live without those gorgeous pigs! Men are the best <3

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At least we've all given Alex something to think about, on which to draw his own conclusions.
Couldn't agree more!
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  #30  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:27
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Re: Seperation

Inappropriate I know, but what kind of Scrabble score would I get with rearranging the OP's user name?
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Old 03.08.2011, 12:31
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Re: Seperation

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Inappropriate I know, but what kind of Scrabble score would I get with rearranging the OP's user name?
Way ahead of you- but we'd have to include DilysDidoreth too .
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  #32  
Old 03.08.2011, 12:36
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Re: Seperation

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Inappropriate I know, but what kind of Scrabble score would I get with rearranging the OP's user name?
The two of you could form a tag team. Assault on the derriere.
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  #33  
Old 03.08.2011, 13:18
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Re: Seperation

I feel for you man, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I think it makes no difference where the "fault" lies (at the end of the day, a relationship breaking up is always a 2 sided issue), the fact is you have been married for 3 years, have a child, and your Swiss wife is asking you for a divorce. Your question is: will my permit be revoked ?

Call the chaps at http://www.mannschafft.ch/, and ask the question. Worst case: they'll ask you to join (CHF100) and pay the Consultation (CHF250). For CHF350 you'll have certainty and peace of mind (or clarity on what's going to happen next).

If your wife had a fling and wants to separate, there's little your forgiving can do to mend things. Focus on how to stay in the country, close to your daughter, find out what the financial impact this is going to have, etc. This kind of work will get your mind a bit away from the pain you're probably going through anyhow. Just my 2 Rp.
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  #34  
Old 03.08.2011, 13:28
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Re: Seperation

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Inappropriate I know, but what kind of Scrabble score would I get with rearranging the OP's user name?

I honestly thought it was Kan's Ex, and they enjoyed.....well yeah.
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  #35  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:03
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This seem to be a common assault around here. Quite often I read these threads, where a Swiss person marries someone from a different nationality, they do well outside of the Country, but once they make it to the shores of Switzerland, they get dumped by the Swiss native.
Not sure if this is a right of passage in Switzerland, but looks like it happens more frequently here.

Hope you get to stay if that is what you want, but you may be better off in the long run. Take care.
Haven't seen "The white Masai" (original: Die weiße Massai) by any chance, have you?

Yeah yeah, stereotypes are bad and generalizations are evil blah blah.
But if it's enough of a cultural observation that there's a movie about it...
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  #36  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:26
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Re: Seperation

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Haven't seen "The white Masai" (original: Die weiße Massai) by any chance, have you?

Yeah yeah, stereotypes are bad and generalizations are evil blah blah.
But if it's enough of a cultural observation that there's a movie about it...
You sound like your Avatar name, nice choice. If it makes your day to throw something back at me from a previous thread, then Congratulations. This is not about me, go back and read previous threads on this same topic, you may learn something.
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  #37  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:42
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You sound like your Avatar name, nice choice. If it makes your day to throw something back at me from a previous thread, then Congratulations. This is not about me, go back and read previous threads on this same topic, you may learn something.
Not sure what you're going on about - but I'll take that to mean that you haven't seen the movie; I was agreeing with you.
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Old 03.08.2011, 14:45
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Re: Seperation

I am afraid The White Massai is quite similar to the OP's situation (except for some extreme milk+blood cocktail drinking probably). I don't think Fridge meant anything against you at all, rather quite the opposite.
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  #39  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:56
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Re: Seperation

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Not sure what you're going on about - but I'll take that to mean that you haven't seen the movie; I was agreeing with you.
Were you? I take it back then. It may have been the" Blah, Blah , Blah" and "stereotype" that threw me off. Ok, have a glass on me, I'll take it out of the fridge.
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Old 03.08.2011, 14:56
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Re: Seperation

I second the suggestion that you talk to a lawyer ASAP.

Don't do anything "foolish", like leaving until you know the options and potential outcomes.

You are here in CH via your wife. You permit is tied to HER (not your job from what I understand).

It is certain that if you separate, that Bern will try to force you out of the country. This is stated policy in the case of divorce (especially for a "short term" marriage, and 3 years will be counted as such).

The one thing standing in their way is the child (the lawyer will be able to tell you if this fact will "save" you). I doubt that the ex. will be willing to help you in any significant way. Do not count on this.

The lawyer might also be able to help you understand the possibility of moving your permit to the company.

To be clear, you want a lawyer who is specialized in divorce and immigration/permit law.

I would start moving so you can take control of the situation and not just let things roll out.
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Last edited by Verbier; 03.08.2011 at 14:57. Reason: typo
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