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  #41  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:04
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Re: Seperation

And if you involve a lawyer it's going to cost you an arm and a leg.
If it needs to be done, make a list of what you want to ask, and stick to it. Just remember every minute of purposeless talk is going to cost you mega-bucks, and the lawyer will be quite happy to help you waste your time and money.

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  #42  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:10
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Re: Seperation

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What goes around comes around or 'every action has an equal but opposite reaction' - Newton's Third Law of Thermodynamics.
..and all this time I thought the third law of thermodynamics was that the entropy of a perfect crystal approaches zero as temperature approaches absolute zero....are you not thinking of Newtons third law? The one about the mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies being equal, opposite and collinear?
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  #43  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:12
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Re: Seperation

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..and all this time I thought the third law of thermodynamics was that the entropy of a perfect crystal approaches zero as temperature approaches absolute zero....are you not thinking of Newtons third law? The one about the mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies being equal, opposite and collinear?
It my wife was sleeping around on me like a common harlot, Newton would be the last of my interests.

Now if she claimed she invented a perpetual motion machine--I would definitely have drop a few apples on her head for attempting to disobey the laws of thermodynamics.
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  #44  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:13
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Re: Seperation

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To summarize- men cheat because they're all pigs, and women cheat because their man is also a pig.
Very rational and objective...You must be a a load of fun to be with......
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  #45  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:16
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Re: Seperation

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It my wife was sleeping around on me like a common harlot, Newton would be the last of my interests.

Now if she claimed she invented a perpetual motion machine--I would definitely have drop a few apples on her head for attempting to disobey the laws of thermodynamics.
Hmmm....well the law does state that the universe tends to entropy....and having ones wife sleeping around like a common harlot would lead to a certain degree of (at least emotional) entropy...
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  #46  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:20
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Re: Seperation

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And if you involve a lawyer it's going to cost you an arm and a leg.
If it needs to be done, make a list of what you want to ask, and stick to it. Just remember every minute of purposeless talk is going to cost you mega-bucks, and the lawyer will be quite happy to help you waste your time and money.
He needs a lawyer b/c of the immigration situation, not because of the (potential) settlement with his wife.
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  #47  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:21
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Re: Seperation

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Hmmm....well the law does state that the universe tends to entropy....and having ones wife sleeping around like a common harlot would lead to a certain degree of (at least emotional) entropy...

maybe for an isolated system!
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  #48  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:22
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Re: Seperation

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He needs a lawyer b/c of the immigration situation, not because of the (potential) settlement with his wife.
So that's free then is it?
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  #49  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:25
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Re: Seperation

Hi- just my two cents on the immigration part:
normally non EU citizens on B permits get sent back if they haven't been married and in Switzerland for at least three years. The time spend married in the other country doesn't count. However, the parent with custody of a Swiss child in a divorce settlement is *usually* allowed to stay. If you don't have custody but can prove you are close to the child (which is hard to prove jurisprudentially when the child is young) sometimes people are allowed to stay too. In your case, I would try to stick it out to get as much time in your counter at the same address as possible and try that neither party files for divorce until you have spoken to a lawyer. I know it is hard when infidelity is involved.
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  #50  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:27
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Re: Seperation

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So that's free then is it?
It's cheaper to ask for legal advice now than having to take on the law from Africa, after deportation.
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  #51  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:30
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Re: Seperation

Does anyone know the laws in a divorce situation here where the non-Swiss resident wants to move back to their home-country WITH their child? And in particular, in a case where the non-Swiss citizen is the wife/mother?

To the OP... my heart goes out to you. What a difficult situation. Of course, this is pure conjecture, but it sounds to me like your wife is having a bit of a bit of an "identity crisis" -- particularly if she thinks she can fall in love with a man so easily. It's been my experience that love is something developed through time and experience with someone. And sadly, it seems that many women do easily confuse love with lust and are easily "taken" by a man who has the right words to make her feel "special," etc. But it seems that rarely lasts...

I hope everything will work out for the best for you and your child, in the end.
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  #52  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:30
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Re: Seperation

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If a woman can sleep with another man then she doesnt love her husband anymore.Its as simple as that. Good luck.
Are you really sure that it as simple as that? I am not sure, but I am pretty sure that these situations are always a lot more complicated than they initially seem. I also find that people that cannot find any differences between sexual attraction and "real" love are not getting the whole picture. If you have never been attracted to somebody for any other reason than the all consuming romantic love and commitment, good for you. I don't think 99% of the world fall into that same boat though.

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An old Persian proverb says that a tooth that constantly aches must be pulled out.
Yes, because old sayings are always the best relationship advice for the modern world. Out with the stones, back to the kangaroo courts and let the old ways rule supreme!!! Down with progress!!! Down with tollerance!!! Don't worry about fillings or brushing or crowns or modern methods, pull it out and burn it, burn it, burn it!!!

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I am sorry, but I have no respect for a woman (or a man), Swiss or otherwise, that cheats during marriage. It is the hallmark of a very low being, and all this crap about 'being confused' is just there to buy time at your cost.
So there is no scenario in the whole of existence where it would be okay to cheat during marraige?
These sorts of polarized oppinions are not helpful. Perhaps she had a very good reason, perhaps not. I don't think we are qualified to say, but to throw down and say that the OP should just up and get out, you are potentially ruining a relationship that could be salvaged. I mean, just think for a second, I have never known a woman to lie about an indescression just to see what sort of reaction she would get, albeit a really stupid thing to do and a possibly far fetched scenario. I have never known a man to do anything to push his wife away.

I know you are the perfect partner to your perfect partner and the universe would end before this ever happened to you, but seriously, do you honestly believe what you wrote above?

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Sorry, but I don't understand the "what's best for the child" bit. I think any child is better off living with a single parent than in a family where the mother sleeps with a new man every now and then while still married.
I think the child is better off living with happy parents that figure out how to live with eachother in peace and provide the best posible environment for thier child rather than listening to possibly dumb ideas about how you should be stoned to death for thinking about having sex with somebody that is not your marrital partner. Damn, have we not moved past this BS in this world?

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To summarize- men cheat because they're all pigs, and women cheat because their man is also a pig.

Thanks Mud, finally we can see how society really sees us men. And I suppose who can argue.

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Or... she wasn't feeling loved ( how have you been expressing your love and respect for your wife) or..... all sorts of other reasons. (are you a good listener - why do some women fall in love, at least temporaarily, with their doctor - it's because they feel they are being listened to and valued)

This is a very important decision to be making. You do NOT have to make it in a hurry. There is nothing to lose, and perhaps much to be gained, by actually giving your wife that time, that she is requesting. Along with that, I suggest that you both look at going to a relationships counsellor.

As a positive note: friends of mine went through a version of this scenario. After counselling, tears and much talking , they managed to get back on track - ten years later, I see them as being a very committed happy couple.
Biff, thanks for being a voice of reason over here!

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I must confess, though, I couldn't live without those gorgeous pigs! Men are the best <3

Couldn't agree more!
Nah Helm, you are the best!!!!
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  #53  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:38
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Re: Seperation

My advise to the OP would be:

1. Seek legal advise.
2. Keep calm and collected and do not get angry.
3. Give her space to figure things out but make sure that you are in contact and supportive or both her and your daughter.
4. Make sure that you maintain good relationships with the rest of the family.
5. Do not agree to a divorse or anything final until you have had a lot of good advice (legal, economic, emotional and/or spiritual) and time to think it over.
6. Think very carefully about what you want for yourself. Were you happy in this relationship?
7. Think about it from her point of view.
8. Get some counciling, for yourself at least, and possibly for both of you as a couple if she will agree.
9. Make sure that you have friends around you that you can talk to about this situation and whatever you do, do not sit around alone at home and bottle it up! It will eat you alive. Get on with living and try and enjoy your life (even though you are in one of the worst situations you can be in).
10. Again, find support through friends....you are going to need it no matter which way this situation goes!

Best of luck mate.
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  #54  
Old 03.08.2011, 14:54
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Re: Seperation

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This seem to be a common assault around here. Quite often I read these threads, where a Swiss person marries someone from a different nationality, they do well outside of the Country, but once they make it to the shores of Switzerland, they get dumped by the Swiss native.
Not sure if this is a right of passage in Switzerland, but looks like it happens more frequently here.

Hope you get to stay if that is what you want, but you may be better off in the long run. Take care.
I've also heard this happen to many men. The Swiss wife says she'll try to live in the husband's country for a nominal period (because they liked it as a place to holiday) and then after having a child insist on heading back to Switzerland because they can't adjust and Switzerland's a better place to bring up the kids.
Hey presto, shortly after returning, the relationship ends.
It's all just a scheme to expand the Swiss gene pool.

Good luck OP.
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  #55  
Old 03.08.2011, 15:00
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Re: Seperation

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Hmmm....well the law does state that the universe tends to entropy....and having ones wife sleeping around like a common harlot would lead to a certain degree of (at least emotional) entropy...
..Sorry my mistake and many thanks for the correction: Newton's third law (of motion) ! although the entropy law would apply here too- a good demonstration of multitasking
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Old 03.08.2011, 15:18
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Re: Seperation

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Are you really sure that it as simple as that? I am not sure, but I am pretty sure that these situations are always a lot more complicated than they initially seem. I also find that people that cannot find any differences between sexual attraction and "real" love are not getting the whole picture. If you have never been attracted to somebody for any other reason than the all consuming romantic love and commitment, good for you. I don't think 99% of the world fall into that same boat though.


Yes, because old sayings are always the best relationship advice for the modern world. Out with the stones, back to the kangaroo courts and let the old ways rule supreme!!! Down with progress!!! Down with tollerance!!! Don't worry about fillings or brushing or crowns or modern methods, pull it out and burn it, burn it, burn it!!!


So there is no scenario in the whole of existence where it would be okay to cheat during marraige?
These sorts of polarized oppinions are not helpful. Perhaps she had a very good reason, perhaps not. I don't think we are qualified to say, but to throw down and say that the OP should just up and get out, you are potentially ruining a relationship that could be salvaged. I mean, just think for a second, I have never known a woman to lie about an indescression just to see what sort of reaction she would get, albeit a really stupid thing to do and a possibly far fetched scenario. I have never known a man to do anything to push his wife away.

I know you are the perfect partner to your perfect partner and the universe would end before this ever happened to you, but seriously, do you honestly believe what you wrote above?


I think the child is better off living with happy parents that figure out how to live with eachother in peace and provide the best posible environment for thier child rather than listening to possibly dumb ideas about how you should be stoned to death for thinking about having sex with somebody that is not your marrital partner. Damn, have we not moved past this BS in this world?


Thanks Mud, finally we can see how society really sees us men. And I suppose who can argue.



Biff, thanks for being a voice of reason over here!


Nah Helm, you are the best!!!!
Seems like you might be up for a llittle hanky-panky...LOL

*I have never known a man to do anything to push his wife away.*...really ColinWheeler?
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  #57  
Old 03.08.2011, 15:28
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Re: Seperation

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Seems like you might be up for a llittle hanky-panky...LOL

*I have never known a man to do anything to push his wife away.*...really ColinWheeler?
Cheating: Called that because of dishonesty. I have had the situation a number of times in my life where my partners have "cheated" on me. I tend to be pretty forgiving and try and find out why they did it rather than react like many people would.

The one time I did cheat on the woman that was my wife it was not during the marraige itself. I had an indescression before my marraige and I told my wife at the time during the dissoloution of our marraige, it cause quite a few problems but was most probably the right thing to do. That, however was not the most important factor in why my wife left me. That was to do I believe with the fact that she had just achieved her independence and wanted to see how life would go by herself for a while. I was distant at the time which did not help and on top of that I was angry after the spearation which meant that any chance of reconcilliation was destroyed.

But thanks for your helpful retrospective on my relationships.
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Old 03.08.2011, 15:38
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Re: Seperation

Excuse me for saying this but the total bollocks on this thread is only increasing my incredulity.This maybe a free spoken forum but to summarize adultery in terms of living visa objectives, hand wringing soul searching about the offenders feelings and most of all woman weakenss is total crap.
Get a life all of you, this woman married this man and promised amongst other things to remain faithful.
She shagged a bloke on holiday(with her family around her) in the vicinity of her daughter, she asked for a time out because she was "confused" and then she has asked for a separation, presumably to continue shagging her beau. OUT WITH THE RUBBISH!
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  #59  
Old 03.08.2011, 15:41
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Re: Seperation

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Excuse me for saying this but the total bollocks on this thread is only increasing my incredulity.This maybe a free spoken forum but to summarize adultery in terms of living visa objectives, hand wringing soul searching about the offenders feelings and most of all woman weakenss is total crap.
Get a life all of you, this woman married this man and promised amongst other things to remain faithful.
She shagged a bloke on holiday(with her family around her) in the vicinity of her daughter, she asked for a time out because she was "confused" and then she has asked for a separation, presumably to continue shagging her beau. OUT WITH THE RUBBISH!
Stop shouting. You'll lose your credibility
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Old 03.08.2011, 15:42
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Re: Seperation

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Stop shouting. You'll lose your credibility
I don`t have any, Im a new arrival
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