I tried something alien to this country one time. Tried to be funny with the ticket inspector. I don't think ticket inspectors here understand "funny". Did not really go the way I had thought.

They have Police up there? I thought the entire force was just Herr Jungo, who does it in his spare time after he's delivered the post.

As PaddyG explained, it's about getting out. I know, it does sound kinda alien doesn't it?

When I am trying to get inside, it's quite common of me to grab the teenies by their back packs so they wait till the people are out... (only do it on teenies smaller than me though... I'm a pansy)

Once a hunk-wanna-be who was inside the Thurbo, which has 3 seats next to each other, was occupying 5/6: sitting in the middle seat with legs spread wide, with his bag and coat occuping 2 seats in front of him. Since the train was kinda full I just asked him if is balls where the size of basketballs, or whether it would be ok if other people could seat down. It worked.

The same approach should work though. Just let the rush settle and get off at your leisure after that. Trains almost always stay put for a while even after people have finished boarding. Why do people have such an irrational fear of the train leaving immediately? Remember its the second mouse that get the cheese? When people are in too much of a rush it's something I sometimes mention to them.

You need to get away from the riff-raff and upgrade to first class.

I don't get something either. People running after trains and stuff. Unless its the last one for the day.
There is gonna be another one coming by in a bit.
The world isn't going to stop turning just coz you miss a connection.

Yeah, told my boss I need a raise. Told him this was the reason and he said "Bike to work".

He was just concerned about you getting enough exercise

What's exercise hobbit ?

Is actually chewing your food before you swallow it :P

Easy. Cover your mouth, make your eyes look a bit wild and desperate, puff out your cheeks a bit and grunt.

Nobody wants to be near someone looking like they are going to barf.

Your safe passage off the train is guaranteed.

another reason I like to simply sit in all silence and harmony alone with my choice of music, leaving and going whenever I please , only smelling my own smells after a hot day . I take the car

And I really enjoy driving and a bit of traffic doesnt bother me one bit.....
In any case I couldnt takde the train as it would take me well over an hour while by car 20 ish minutes.....

I get the bus in Geneva, and coming from London and having to do Waterloo, Waterloo and City and Central Line - oh and the odd bus if any one of those decides to go west!

I've experienced the don't let anyone off before you get on, but that's because the art of queuing has gone out of favour, simple as that - because people haven't seen the simple organisation of a queue and the mathematical logic behind it - they don't know so basic human behaviour enters into the equation.

For example

Sensible queue at bus/tram/train stop (notice sensible so may not be in a line but people know what number they are (ish!))

Public transport stops

5 people want to get off, 13 want to get on - and there is room

5 people disembark in 7 seconds
13 people embark in 15 seconds

Public transports departs within 30 seconds

With no 'queuing' mentality ;

doors open, 3 people rush off, 1 person squeezes in, gets met with the 2 people trying to get off, who are then met with the 12 people getting on

End result public transport goes no where for a minute.

Simples ;-)

Me, I normally sitck an (unlit) camel in my mouth before getting off - works all the time!